When you are blessed with the time and space to sit and think, you would be surprised at how much shit runs through your mind. If you are like me, there are always a million things going on up there anyway, so imagine pumping the breaks and starting to take in the scenery on a road that you had previously zoomed through. Well, this has been my experience over the past year and a half. After years of ignoring my random wanderings and wonderings, and focusing on more "logical" pursuits, I experienced a breakdown that led to a major breakthrough.
The Road Less Traveled
My friend Deitra Wynn-Scott recently shared a team building exercise where she was challenged to uncover her weaknesses by evaluating her strengths--the thought being that weaknesses are just strengths overdone. Well, she had some excellent ones and I came up with one for myself: my ability to motivate and inspire when overdone turns into being bossy and controlling. Because my intentions are good, I tended to forgive myself for this negative personality trait. And most of the people around me give me lots of leeway in this area as it has become part of my charm and, being the Leo that I am, I tend to be right most of the time...lol.
Well, since my breakthrough, I have become a lot more enlightened and, like most people who have this experience (see HBO's new series, Enlightenment), I want everyone to feel the warmth of that light. Again with the good intentions, right? We have all heard the saying "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions," well my intentions started leading me to a dark place where the weight of my feelings was actually causing my soul to hurt. Literally. I experienced an actual ache in the depths of my being that caused me to double over and cry out in pain. Thank God for "the motivators" because my poor friend Kimmi Chu had to experience the answer to her own question, "Who motivates the motivators?," first hand when all I could do to hold on was call her and pray that she would know what I needed despite my inability to actually speak.
To save my soul, I had to step back and gain some perspective. It is always easier to evaluate the external reasons why something is happening to you, but it is most useful to explore the internal ones because those are the ones you can control. I had to determine why I was taking on everybody's issues and how I thought taking them on would be helpful. Through this exercise, I was able to narrow down my focus and find my purpose. In doing so, I took on the mantra "stay in your lane" as a constant reminder to refrain from comment on subjects and issues that I have not made a deliberate decision to take on. God has blessed me with the rare opportunity to focus in on where my gifts and talents can be best maximized and The Muse was born to actualize the potential of such a huge blessing.
To show my gratitude, I have adjusted my attitude to reflect the light of my calling. I Am The Muse, "sent with orders from the Creator: inspire the creatives, keep the motivators motivated, innovators innovating...all while finding my Artist." Anything outside of those parameters is outside of my control.
Because, as my cousin Kim pointed out to me, I choose to travel the "Road Not Taken" I have the benefit of one wide open lane. It is not a stretch to think that, perhaps, I should stay in it.
-The Muse
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